storytime

I've decided to make (some) of my blog entries public. Comment if you want to be added to my buddy list.

**Warning** There will be some language/content in my entries. If you're easily offended by profanity or controversial topics, leave this page now.


Icon credits: 
etlove.nu
edwardandbella.net
franken_stein (livejournal)
fantasians (livejournal community)
labyrinth_icons (livejournal community)
noldo_icons (livejournal)

Layout credits:
The snoring rock animation is from Kings Quest VII, and is copyrighted by Vivendi Universal Entertainment. I claim no ownership whatsoever. 

Emoticon Set:
like-honey.com

These are the things I want.

I want an apple macbook air, one that is compatible with Sims3, wacom tablets and photoshop, with Windows XP Home Edition (because face it, Vista sucks). I want a car that will get me from point A to point B... doesn't have to be fast, shiny or expensive. If it has wheels, an air conditioner and a working engine, it will do. I want an apartment, all to myself, with no one to tell me where what should go or how I can live in it. I want to finish college and start working towards a career that fascinates me, that I really am passionate and excited about. I want an outlet again, like dare-to-live.net gave me, without hackers and phishers destroying it every time I turned away from my PC for more than a minute. I want greedy, selfish bastards who hold their hands out for what they can get but expect to do nothing to earn it to spontaneously combust. I want jokes, rudeness and insensitivity to die out in one generation. I want death to stop, or at least slow down. I want to see at least one place that is marked on my map before I die, an ambition that is fading for me faster than I can keep up with. And, most of all, I would like to freeze myself at 21, because I'm running out of time.

This list will never be filled, never even be dented, because each and every single thing on this list either involves piles of money that I will never have, people waking up and living for something other than to torment as many souls as humanly possible in one lifetime, or for hell to simply freeze over.

And I don't even believe in hell. :(

A few days have gone by since the death of Michael Jackson. I’ve spent many hours in shock and in sadness, and I’ve tried so many times to think of a worthy tribute to such an epic man. I’ve finally decided to deal with it the best way I know how: by writing.

 

 

For me, Michael Jackson was my first crush. When I was 4 or 5, I remember digging out VHS tapes of Michael’s short films and watching them over and over again. Beat It was and still is my favorite. I get a mix of tears and laughter when I think about my five year old self dancing around my room in my pink ballarina outfit to the tune of that song. I grew up listening to his albums and watching his videos, so seeing them now has a very emotional impact on me. I’m still amazed every time I see that man dance. And I’ll be damned if I ever give up trying to learn how to do the moonwalk.

There is a negative side to his death that I refuse to acknowledge. The tabloids, the accusations and the labels that Michael suffered throughout his life were nothing to me then, and they are nothing to me now. All you have to do is look at what he did with his life. Look at the charities he helped, the time and the money he spent to make the world a better place. He cared about the beauty and wonder that the world had to offer, and he wanted to make an impact that would allow future generations to see that same beauty, or perhaps even more.

Though his childhood was lost in a sea of cameras, platinum albums and screaming fans, he still clung to the elementary thoughts and dreams that every child has. He believed that peace and happiness could be found by seeing the world through a child’s eyes. It makes me sad to think that he was unable to enjoy the young, carefree years that every child should have, and was then ridiculed for the seemingly abnormal behaviour that resulted. But that’s the cruel truth to the world, I suppose: the twisted and negative spin that can be put on any behavior unless it is socially considered “normal”.

I believed in the innocence, the talent and the kindness that was so obviously in his heart. His incredible life has changed and influenced many other lives, including mine. The final weeks before his death taught me something: that we all have the strength to persevere and stand up whenever life kicks you down. Had his life not been cut short so suddenly by this tragic twist of fate, I truly believe that our star would have risen again.

Second star to the right and straight on till morning. That’s where I believe he is now, young again and happy. I’m jealous of Neverland.

I miss you, I love you. Rest in peace.

Love always,
Shaina

Interesting political views quiz... here are my results:

You are a Social Liberal (81% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid.com: Free Online Dating Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Laugh. You know it's funny.

While browsing my affiliate Steph's website, I noticed her new blog post. Her "For a Brighter Week" ideas got me cooking up some activity ideas of my own. I thought I'd jot them all down here to inspire anyone who needs a cure for boredom.

1) Let yourself go back in time. Go to your attic or basement and drag out a box of toys you used to play with when you were a child. Go through them and decide which ones hold the most sentimental value for you, then toss the rest into a bin to donate to Goodwill or a local children's hospital.

2) Start keeping a dream journal. Write in it when you wake up from an intersting dream so you don't forget it. Try to remember every detail, no matter how strange. If you're an online blogger, share your favorites with everyone!

3) Now that it's autumn, why not go for a nice walk? Take time to admire the shades of orange and yellow in the trees and the crisp, clean air. Take a camera along and snap some pretty landscape photos.

4) Try this recipe for a comfy evening at home: Pop some popcorn and add in some peanuts or chocolate chips for a funky mix. Then pop in a favorite movie that you haven't seen in a LONG time, or dust off that old video game console and see if you can beat the high score you were so proud of when you were twelve years old.

5) Send an email to someone you haven't seen in a long time. Ask what's new with them and suggest a get-together in the near-future (actually set a date... none of that "we should do something sometime" stuff that doesn't mean anything)

6) All you need for the following activity is a posterboard and a bunch of trashy magazines. Clip out interesting patterns, pictures, and letters to make a unique collage. Hang it up in your room when you're finished!

7) Open up your computer's cd burner and throw together a mix of current favorite songs, or make cd's with a theme, like "Road Trip" or "Workout Tunes".

8) Buy a coloring book and some crayons/colored pencils. Trust me, it's still just as fun now as it was back then!

9) Pick a bland piece of furniture out of a room in your house (or buy a cheap piece from a flea market or yard sale) and a bucket of paint. Paint the entire piece of furniture in a bold color, then decorate it with smaller designs. Examples: black with red hearts or white skull & crossbones; white with black silhouette leaves & vines. Let your imagination run wild!

10) Get your Christmas shopping done NOW! That way you'll actually enjoy the holidays instead of stressing over the post-Thanksgiving mob you know you'll have to face if you wait.

Just something I wanted to record for sentimental reasons.

Today, none of the trivial shit I've worried about for the past few weeks matters.

School, unemployment, even my life list isn't as important as it was this morning before my phone rang.

Kevin's okay. My brother is going to be okay.

First day of fall! Whee!

I can definitely sense a change in the seasons. I can smell it in the air, and I've seen hints of it in the changing leaves while driving through town.

I have a built-in radar detector for fall. It's my absolute favorite season! It's that one part of the year where everything is calm. The busyness of summer has passed, and the chaotic holiday events haven't started yet.

To sum up: I'm very excited. *squee!*

Got this from Dru! 

List ten songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your ten songs. Then tag ten other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. "Love Remains the Same" - Gavin Rossdale
2. "Dark Blue" - Jacks Mannequin
3. "This is Halloween" - Marilyn Manson (I just found out about it today. I'm so f*cking psyched about it!!!!)
4. "That's the Beat of a Heart" - The Warren Brothers feat. Sara Evans (yeah, from Where the Heart Is)
5. "Beyond the Blue" - Patty Griffin & Emmy Lou Harris (another Where the Heart Is)
6. "Even Angels Fall" - Jessica Riddle
7. "Savin Me" - Nickelback
8. "Sympathy" - The Goo-Goo Dolls
9. "Disposable Teens" - Marilyn Manson
10. "Tonight and the Rest of My Life" - Nina Gordon

Whoever reads it and wants to do it!

As you can see, I've given the journal a new look. What do you think? Less of a headache, yes?

So I sat down yesterday and made a list of all of the unfinished fanfiction I have in my writing folder. So far I've procrastinated on the following:

"A Dark Fairytale" - Kings Quest fanfic I started YEARS ago. Still on chapter 2. Thinking seriously of scrapping it and instead writing a very VERY short story that covers the plot.

"Labyrinth - Revisited" - A Jareth/Sarah fanfic that I started but am now very very stuck on. This is the one I want to finish the most at the moment, so I think I'll turn most of my attention towards it.

"A Siren's Song" - Jack Sparrow fanfiction. Basically it's nothing but an outline, but I just can't let it go.

"Green Eyes" - A 3-part Twilight fanfic that I've mentioned in previous entries. Because of the striking similarities between it and BD, I may let this one go. Or I might write it anyway for fun and just not post it (I know I'll catch some serious hell for it if I do).

... *sigh*. I'm a horrid writer. I wish that my mind could settle on an idea long enough for me to finish just one of these, but as soon as I get stuck on a frustrating part, another idea flies into my head and takes my full attention. 

To top all of that off,  right now I also have a story in my head that is 100% me (meaning that I didn't base it on an existing story). If I can go somewhere with it, I might put the rest of these on the backburner. I hate to do it, but any rational writer would agree with me. After all, you can't publish fanfiction! 

I don't know why I'm freaking out about it though... like I'm really going to have time to write anything besides my assignments for Philosophy and Composition over the next four months!

So summer is over... thank God.

I guess most people would be unhappy about it, but I've really missed class. It's nice to feel like I have a purpose again. The lineup this year is as follows:

Biology 101 --- Apparently I still needed another science elective. After taking 102 I'm very confident, and by the luck of the draw I got to have a class with someone I know (Nicole!)!

Philosophy --- Which I'm in love with already. Basically we keep a journal that records our notes, our assignments and any other thoughts that we would like to add. The entire class is about reflection and finding meaning in life. Basically, there are no wrong answers in this class, only more questions.

History 121 --- My first online class. It seems pretty easy to follow, but I'm worried because I have never been strong in this subject.

College Composition 1 --- Another online class. Hopefully this will help me develop my writing. We're already having technical difficulties though, so I guess we'll just have to see.

Do you know what gets to me about this whole thing?

He's an ILLUSIONIST. It's right there in the title. There was clearly a trick involved. If there wasn't, shouldn't we all be repenting or something? I mean, the man can't REALLY disappear and reappear. We all know that, and even Criss admits that his stunts are a mixture of reality and illusion. So the logical thing is to send skycams and reporters to bust the fun for everyone else??? What's next... telling kids that the Mickey Mouse at Disneyland isn't really a mouse?

Whatever. They'll have to try harder than that. Big deal, they have a theory about ONE illusion. Let's see them explain how he survived a steamroller, a truck running over him, a woodchipper, etc etc. Or better yet, stick these know-it-alls in a detonating building and see how they do!!!

</rant>

Killing time before Criss Angel's demonstration. Anyone who wants to do this can. I don't have enough buddies to tag. lol

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag eight people to do this quiz. Those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by:


1. Which book would you like to jump into and why?
Breaking Dawn, so I could find out how in the hell it ends!!!

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Watch tv, read fanfiction

3. Have you ever been a bridesmaid/groomsman? What was it like?
No... but I've been a flowergirl!

4. What fictional character would you marry?
Jack Sparrow, or King Jareth

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Introverted

6. When was the last time you checked out a book from the public library, and what was it?
The Neverending Story, like... a year ago.

7. Do you trust easily? 
Not anymore 

8. What are you craving to eat right now?
Reeses cups

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Family issues that I won't get into right now...

10. What's your favourite song right now?
"Every Breath You Take" by The Police

11. Is being tagged fun?
Depends on what I'm tagged with.

12. If you had to watch one TV show for the rest of your life, what show would it be?
Either Mindfreak or Will & Grace

13. What is one of your biggest pet peeves? 
Spammers

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Smart, fun to talk to, and quirky enough to actually understand me sometimes!

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head? 
My lip gloss is cool... my lip gloss is poppin'...

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing? 
My urban nomad skirt (must post pics later!!!)

17. What's better: to give or to receive?
Giving, unless they are ingrates, then it's better to get. lol

18. What's the first thing you notice in people? 
Eyes

19. Would you bungee jump from the Empire State Building for $10,000,000?
Hell yes!

20. What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender? 
Shawn Douglas... yes after Bo & Hope's son on Days of our Lives... lol!

Seriously, I don't even know where to begin... so I'm just going to start typing.


It was a slightly normal visit to my grandparent's house. It was a lot of fun. A few people dropped by: my cousin Cassi, my great uncle Claude, and my big brother Kevin. Mostly it went like every other visit... then I got the biggest surprise of my life when someone else showed up... John, my oldest brother.


Now, for those who don't know what a huge deal this is for me, let me clue you in. It has been thirteen years since the last time I saw John. Over the past year or so Grandma would pass on a message or two from him, but I hadn't spoken to him face to face, over the phone, nothing. Then suddenly he was there. I honestly couldn't believe it... a part of me still can't.


The distance has always bothered me a lot... Kevin and I always managed to keep in touch, but it just never happened with John. Little things always left that fact nagging at the corner of my mind... it would be something simple like looking through a photo album or hanging up the family Christmas ornaments... it would always remind me that a wall was there. One memory that always stands out with me happened a few years ago... it was a couple of days before Christmas, and I fell asleep on the couch in the livingroom after decorating the house. I dreamed that John had come to visit and was trying to wake me up. I was still convinced he was there even after I woke up. I know it's a few years late, but I guess Santa finally brought the missing piece of the puzzle back.


Anyway, since I saw him it's like a huge cloud has lifted. My faith, my trust in whatever higher power rules over us all is slowly healing. The second I got home, I sent an email to a friend that I hadn't spoken to in a month to let her know how much her friendship meant to me. I reflected over things a lot. Every stupid fight I've ever had with someone... every time I've ever pushed someone I cared about away from me... all of it seemed pointless. I let go of it all... I forgave everyone that had ever hurt me, no matter what they had said or done. I forgave it all, because I just didn't want it anymore... the anger, the grudges... none of it.


I will stand true on my belief that independence is important. I do believe that if you have to, it is possible to stand alone. But what kind of life is that? I have never been this grateful for it all. My family and my friends are my stars. No matter how dark it gets, they always manage to light my way and guide me. They're not always perfect, but when it comes right down to it, they make my day that much brighter. I'll never take them for granted again. 


For those of you with siblings, remember all of that before you yell at them for stealing your favorite shirt or hogging the phone.
 

Due to recent involvement in writing some Labyrinth-based fan-lit, I decided to go on a Jareth-and-Sarah picture hunt on Google images. Now I must share what I found with you:

Now you all know the truth! Little miss goody-goody is a peter-looker!
tsk-tsk... baaaad Shawa. XDDD

quoted from here


BTDS 


Have you ever had one of those days lieing around the house for hours with nothing to do? Ever fell alseep from boredom, or just bitched about your boredom? 


If you said yes to all three questions, then you may be at risk to have BTDS - "Bored-To-Death Syndrome". 10 out of 10 people have experienced fatigue, irritablility, TV-addiction, couch-potato-osis, long-distance-calling, masturbation, armpit-scratching-then-sniffing, pasting-marshmallows-to-your-nipples-and-walking-around-in-the-mall-with-your-dumb-ass-friends, watching-re-runs-of-Friends-twenty-three-hundred-times-in-a-row, comitting-suicide (you dumbass), watching-your-bird-hump-its-perch-syndrome (you perv), re-reading-those-overdue-library-books-that-cost-you-over-100-in-fines, dying-youself-blue-just-for-the-hell-of-it, and watching-West-Side-Story-so-many-times-you-know-every-line-and-recite-every-scene. 


If you have experienced these symptoms, then damn! Your life sucks. 


BTDS is the 999th cause in young people's death in America today, and currently has no known treatment to present-day scientists.

For more information, do not call the toll-free 800 number because we'll blow your head off and we don't have the time to help your dumbass problems anyway. 


This ad was paid for by the BTDS board of ass-nuts for a better or for worse America. 

Okay, so with all the Twilight buzz going on right now (the cover art, the first chapter, the first completed scene...), I feel that I should put my Book 4 prediction in writing. You ready? Here we go.


So, the cover art of Stephenie Meyer's book is a white queen with a red pawn behind it. That has to mean something, right? I personally think that the white queen is Bella (obviously) and the red pawn might possibly be Jacob. Since the pawn protects the queen, I think that Jacob will put a lot on the line for Bella in this book. Since the white queen probably stands for Bella in vampiric form, I have a pretty good feeling that Jacob will come to the conclusion that no one is expecting him to come to at this point.


Let me explain my theory a little more. I think that the Volturi (possibly Jane) will get to Bella, or perhaps some new threat that will announce itself in book 4 (though I really think it will just be the Volturi since it's the end of the series, so to speak). My guess is that it will take place at the wedding. Jacob will make a huge scene and steal away Bella, make a run for it, thus seperating her from Edward and leaving her unprotected from the Cullens. Possibly the rest of the Quileute tribe will intervene to distract the family while Jacob runs with Bella. That's when the Volturi will make their move and they will come for Bella. There will be a struggle, inevitably, leaving Bella badly wounded and inches from death. Jacob will somehow escape with Bella and take her to Edward, knowing that the immortal bite Team Edward craves so much is the only thing that will save her. 


I think this is really going to be the only way that Jacob will ever be okay with Edward and Bella being together (and the only way that Bella and Jacob could still be in each others lives without being romantically linked). Since it's supposedly the last book, something along those lines will have to happen to tie up all the loose ends and leave everyone happy, which is exactly what we all look for in a finale. 


Speaking of... someone told me that she heard of a book being written from Jacob's point of view. Does anyone know anything about this? Perhaps I can hope for the series to continue after Bella's POV after all!

Okay, answer this: If someone tells you to get the hell away from them and leave them alone, what do you do? 


I basically had to tell a guy that the other day after a full day of constantly dropping hints that he was not wanted and he still. wouldn't. leave. me. alone.


(Warning, this is a pretty long rant.)


So yeah... it started off semi-normal. He stands next to me while I'm talking to my friend Ronnie and looking at a stack of movies. The guy starts cutting into our conversation about good horror vs bad horror. Basically he agreed with everything I said, and then he started asking me questions. When he asked how old I was, he replied with "cool, me too!". I denied it but in the back of my mind I knew he was flirting. However, he seemed like the type that was just bored and wanted to talk, on a friendship level if not otherwise, which I thought I made clear that that's what it was. Anyway, he walks off and Ronnie kinda glares after him, which I ignore, thinking that this guy seemed harmless and I could handle him just fine.


Later on he stopped by again and talked to me and my mother, and showed off some of his digital art & sketches (he was very good, I'll give him that!), then he walked off saying that he'd be back later. 


The third time he came back, my mother walked outside to smoke, leaving me to figure out a way to get rid of this guy because he had obviously latched on and was kinda starting to annoy me. I basically nodded and said a few "Yeah"s and "mm-hmm"s, thinking he would get the point. He seemed to because he got up again, but then the plan was foiled when he said once again, "I'll be back later"...


The fourth time he came back, my buddy Keith came to the rescue and asked if I wanted to take a walk outside. I gladly agreed and (very rudely) left with a very quick "later!", leaving him standing there with a half-confused, half-angry look on his face. Keith and I walked from table to table outside, then started to head back in. That's when I saw the guy following behind us and staring at me. 


Okay, at this point I was starting to freak out a little. Obviously this guy needed a MUCH bigger hint. I found out when I was back inside why Ronnie had been so upset: first of all, he lied about his age to make himself younger (he's really in his mid-twenties), second of all, he had a girlfriend outside, and third of all, his girlfriend had come in just a few days ago with a mysterious black eye. The guy also had mental issues, which I honestly could've guessed at this point but it still frightened me all the same. 


Mom also told me that while I was gone he had tried to explain why he'd be "good for me" to her, despite his punk appearance. She replied with "you don't scare me... you should see how her boyfriend dresses! he's the leader of a rock band, you know!" hoping that that would stop him, but it actually wound up pissing him off! 

After all this was found out, I avoided him like the plague. I wouldn't look at him, talk to him, acknowledge him at all. I told Matt, a friend who helps run the building, what was going on, and he started looking for him too. However, something came up outside and he had to go deal with that. That's when it happened.


The guy walks over to me again, and I actually walk away from him as he starts talking to me. He follows me all the way around the loop, and I turn on him. As I stated earlier, I told him that he was freaking me out and that I was giving him five seconds to get the hell away from me. I counted backwards from five, and, believe it or not, he was STILL not backing off! He even had the nerve to take one last step TOWARDS me and talk over me demanding an explanation for why I was "suddenly" acting like this! I finally snapped and went to find Matt.


Even that didn't really end it. After Matt escorted him away, interrupting his excuse of "mistaken identity", the guy actually sent his MOTHER back inside to fight with my mother. And those who know my mother know exactly how that went. XD


Anyway, he's not allowed near me now (I swear if he tries that shit again I'm getting a restraining order), but he's still allowed in the building. The next day I was told that he and a few of his friends stood as close as they dared to my mother's part of the building and just stared at her.


*sigh* so that's what happened... I now have a stalker. lol

Yeah I know... I've been missing in action... I haven't updated my site or written in my blog. I am a very bad girl. :-P

But, I have a very good reason.. I'm catching up on my reading. 

I've been reading and re-reading (and reading fanfiction about) Twilight all freaking week long. I was left at a cliffhanger on Book 1 so I went out on the hunt for book 2 which, miraculously, my Wal-Mart had in stock. So I took that home and finished it that same night. Now there is a third book that I'm thirsting after. There's also a movie being made which I must see or my heart will simply stop beating. (Okay maybe that's a bit too dramatic) But yeah, add that one to my evergrowing list of things I'm obsessed with. Vampire love is so sweet... lol

Yes, I'm in another pissy mood because of my coworker. Instead of having to rewrite the incident, however, I'll just post a link to my vent page on WTF: 

click at your own risk. 

And now for some good news! I got the most amazing site review from Darla yesterday. It made my entire week. If you'd like to read it, click here. She is so sweet. ^_^ She's also the one who got me into the book series I'm currently reading called Twilight. It's very gripping and I'm really enjoying it so far. 

As you probably could tell from my most recent site update, I have fallen in fangirl love all over again with Depp. I'm currently on the hunt for the soundtrack so I can download it (legally, of course!). His song about London being a "big black pit" makes me smile. I love his voice. *swoon* Yes, I'm hopeless. Get over it. 

Soo... the diet is working! At least I think it is. I feel skinnier, which is impossible because it's only been a few days, right? But I feel like it's working, so hopefully that will help me stick to it. I did something kinda crazy. I hung a pair of my old favorite but way-too-small-to-fit-now jeans on my closet door. Every time a craving hits, I look at them and think "Resist and one day you might fit into them again!" So far it seems to be working. I haven't caved yet! 

Okay, I'm off to Simland for a few hours. (I haven't played it all week! Poor lonely simmies...)